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Hapax Legomena

by Pete Davis

/
1.
Dodging headlights Never thought to look away Toward the white lines on the sides A door closed in the hallway A table meant to share With faces that no longer look familiar Clear days you can see the whole bay from here Days like today Gripped the rail behind you at a loss to justify How one can still not tire of disappointment The pulse of each car passing by You wondered what the waves felt like
2.
Willpower you used to have A signature fades at the edges, Demarcates an effort you won’t get back An epithet Something you need to have said But were too afraid to say I saw you out by the water I didn’t want to bother you I didn’t want to follow you
3.
When the car pulled up To the curb outside Left there idling, exhaust diffusing through the air Do you remember then The scaredest you'd ever been? Then what happened? Second-floor window Lit behind its shade Family plot we knew no one had long inhabited In the hallway fell Something shattering Swore you really saw it then Felt like we were younger that one another thought Offering rational reasons that neither of us bought Left to rely on lessons that we had never been taught Turned so cold that day A watercolor gray We never met, my eyes fixed on your eyes fixed on the grave And then you turned away Nothing left to say
4.
Full, your backyard window Reflections of your own back-lit shadow As if some figure stood watching you all night Though you knew better You couldn’t help staring Casting a light in the dark (I’ll be late again tonight) I couldn’t help preparing Hard to discuss our new normal (I can find a place to stay) Capture a form by its traces Ill-fitting shapes misremembered as having fused together Lit, no one was there
5.
We intended that this time would make up for the rest Open-ended, treated every moment like a test Whose validity was unaddressed But I knew what it had meant Sometimes it wasn’t about answers I guess it was about overcoming our self-doubt Can you hear just how you sound? Outgrowing habits formed Sitting closest to the door It was six minutes to four Did you know what this was for?
6.
Thought the bus stopped here every day I left the room in mostly your taste We haven’t sensed in how many days Words we’ve learned but just wouldn’t stay? I’ll try now to tie down kites the sky won’t need Clear branches of the aging trees whose Roots never quite grew deep enough The light at the end of the hall never turned off Over and over, wrote over and over Words that make it seem like it gets better Seem like you’d forget her Seem like you’ll regret ever fewer things now Remember how you wished it’d sound?
7.
Sat in an empty stairwell No one there would notice (you) Flow Even tide All you could think about was a witness (unwelcome interest) Spotlight on the surface Toward whatever ripples beneath it (so we go) You shut your eyes and dreamed of hiding Sinking in a bottle (hollow scenes) Not the sensation The emptiness It was a feeling you needed (a feeling you missed) Missed its mystery You just wanted to feel small But small you cannot be
8.
It used to still be under my control I must have left something behind It used to be much easier to say I'm glad to hear you're still doing okay You swore you did You swore you didn't leave it Smoldering all night Woke to an apocalyptic sky Felt for the front door Consuming the forest floor Think of all the wildlife that died That never understood why
9.
There was a setting on the table There was a carving in a tree There was a suitcase in the hallway And it stays there half empty There was a stranger in a portrait There was a mattress on the floor There was a call you couldn’t care about But they won’t call you anymore And you knew if you had left it Then the feeling would subside But you wondered how you got here every night Slumped over a desk in spare bedrooms Shadows from the same indifferent light So wrought for old words half written and canvases still white For you’re running out of the things that you don’t tire of A dearth of motivation To examine better choices than our negligence To gain some small reprieve Resigning to have done your best And feeling kind of bad when you’re relieved
10.
Up from the earth Bent to the sun We depleted So what did you say to make The dialogue deviate? To take it away from what you needed? Didn't look, didn't do What you thought you should have done What you've always believed you would Didn't halt, didn't hush, didn't stop it coming out You never could You couldn't watch, you couldn't run, You couldn't bury it under you But you knew better than to look away And consciously Knew this just may be all you see What was it for? When did you know it's over We sow its seeds, we deplete, deplete
11.
Memorizing the staircase scared of making a sound groaning under your weight, they'll find you out Knuckles white on the handrail Inescapable now We all thought you would always be around Let it not be known errant sympathy let us not lose touch, though we'll have expected when we do Feeling our familiar places all becoming new Memories of a home that keeps forgetting you Can you see them scattered in the sky? Shone new distant lights Closer shadows call our eyes to the floor Never knowing what we wait for
12.
Legomenon 01:00
Said all we could ever think to say Said all we were ever gonna say There was nothing worth repeating

about

This started as a project to make 1-minute songs with video accompaniment to post on Instagram. Now it's done and this is the result (`:

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released October 31, 2023

Music and lyrics by Pete Davis
Recorded at Cinder House Recording in Newark, NJ
Photo by Vanessa Valadez

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Pete Davis Princeton, New Jersey

zany folk music for nerds

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